I love being a mom more than anything in the world. Words cannot adequately describe the depth of my love for my daughter.
Even so, I cannot lie...
There are days when I feel, well...
Where does this feeling come from? What is its trigger, its origin? Honestly I wish I knew. Maybe it has something to do with the high standards I set for myself, the guilt associated with not providing much by means of monetary support for my family. Or maybe it has something to do with the judgement of others, or the often misunderstood and underestimated job of a mother and the role that she plays in the development of her child.
Whatever it is, wherever it comes from...
It has NO place in my life.
My husband is quick to remind me of the importance of my role as a stay at home mom. The happiness and advanced intellectual capabilities of my daughter are a clear indication that we are doing something right. There is no one I trust more with my daughter than myself and my husband. There is no one my daughter feels more comfortable with.
Her place is at home. With me.
Recently I contemplated going back to work part time in addition to freelance writing. Juliette is almost two and I tried to reason myself into thinking that
I could I should go back to work.
After interviewing for a paid position with the organization that I currently volunteer with, I came home and burst into tears as my daughter wrapper her tiny arms around my neck and told me about her time with Grandma. I missed her....
I realized something that day. I am not ready to leave my daughter and I don't have to be. My work at home is not yet done. In fact there is no end in sight.
As I was talking these emotions over with my husband, I vowed not to let feelings of guilt, inadequacy, or worry stand in my way of being the best mother I can be and loving every minute of it.
I am a stay at home mom and I am so proud to say it!
There is no job more important that raising children. They are our future, and I have
the opportunity the privilege of raising a child to be kind, compassionate, empathetic, faithful, and intelligent. Any sacrifices monetary or otherwise, that our family has to make are well worth knowing that we are providing our daughter with all the love, nurture, and knowledge she needs to grow and thrive.